So, I bought a new motorbike helmet this week.
Sounds pretty straightforward doesn’t it?
Well, not quite!
I’d been looking for a new helmet for a while and finally found one that seemed to tick all the boxes. The size was the same as my old one but made by a different manufacturer, so it should fit OK, right?
The mind then got involved asking questions like:
Was it the right size?
Was it supposed to feel that tight?
Was it going to be comfortable on a long ride?
Was it suitable for my road bike?
Would it be okay for my upcoming trip to Thailand?
And then, because we live in a world where we can ask AI pretty much anything, I started asking AI.
At first, this was actually really useful. It gave me some good information about helmet fitting, sizing and what I should be looking out for. It helped me compare different options and, to be honest, it had been really useful in helping me find a helmet in the first place.
But then I noticed something.
I wasn’t really asking for information anymore.
I was asking for reassurance.
The “what if?” questions started
The questions gradually changed into those familiar anxiety-driven “what if?” thoughts.
What if I can’t take it back?
What if it’s not suitable for my bike?
What if it’s not going to be comfortable enough for Thailand?
What if it’s too tight?
What if the pressure is giving me a headache?
Or did I already have a headache before I started trying it on?
Arghhhhhhhhhhh!
And this was the point where I thought:
For fuck’s sake……..STOP!
Because throughout my working week as a counsellor and psychotherapist, I spend a lot of time helping people recognise these kinds of thoughts.
And I’ve experienced them myself.
Anxiety and the “what if?”
Anxiety and uncertainty are pretty good mates.
When we’re anxious, our minds can become very focused on what might happen.
What if something goes wrong?
What if I make the wrong decision?
What if I’ve missed something?
What if I can’t cope?
What if?
What if?
What if?
The problem is that there is always another “what if” waiting around the corner.
We can spend hours trying to work out every possible thing that could go wrong in the future.
And sometimes we convince ourselves that if we just think about it enough, research it enough or ask enough people, we’ll eventually feel completely certain.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t quite work like that.
From “what if?” to “what is?”
One of the things I often find useful when working with anxious thoughts is changing “what if?” to “what is?”
Rather than:
What if this helmet is the wrong size?
I can ask myself:
What is actually happening right now?
Well, the helmet feels tighter than my old helmet.
I’ve checked the fitting information.
I’ve tried it on.
I don’t know yet exactly how it will feel after a few hours of riding.
And that’s okay.
I don’t need to solve every possible future problem right now.
I can make a decision based on the information I have.
That’s very different from trying to get 100% certainty.
But what about reassurance?
Reassurance seeking can be a big part of anxiety.
We ask someone a question because we’re worried.
They reassure us.
We feel better.
For a little while.
Then the doubt comes back.
So we ask again.
“Are you sure?”
And again.
“But what if…?”
And again.
Eventually, the reassurance itself can become part of the anxiety cycle.
I’ve seen this many times in my work as a therapist.
And I realised I was doing a version of it myself with AI.
AI makes it incredibly easy
This is something I’ve been thinking about quite a lot.
If you’re prone to reassurance seeking, AI makes it incredibly easy.
You don’t need to wait for a friend to reply.
You can just ask another question.
And another.
And another.
You can even ask the same question in slightly different ways.
And AI will quite happily carry on answering.
So the cycle can become:
Anxiety → What if? → Ask AI → Reassurance → Feel better → New doubt → Ask AI again.
And before you know it, you’ve disappeared down an AI rabbit hole.
Which is pretty much what I’d done with my bloody motorbike helmet!
AI isn’t the problem
I’m definitely not saying that AI is bad.
Far from it.
I’ve found it really useful.
It can be brilliant for finding information, comparing options, helping with ideas and getting you started when you don’t know where to begin.
But there’s a difference between using AI to get information and using AI to repeatedly reassure yourself because you’re anxious.
And I think that’s an important distinction.
Sometimes the most helpful thing isn’t another answer.
It’s stopping asking questions.
Sitting with a bit of uncertainty
So I’ve decided that my helmet is going to have to be one of those things where I accept a little bit of uncertainty.
I don’t know with absolute certainty that I’ve made the perfect choice.
I don’t know exactly how it will feel after five hours riding around Thailand.
I don’t know whether I’ll love it.
And I don’t need to know right now.
I’ve got enough information to make a reasonable decision.
The rest I’ll find out.
And perhaps that’s the bit that anxiety doesn’t particularly like.
Sometimes we have to make a decision and then sit with the uncertainty.
Not because everything will definitely be okay.
But because we can’t possibly know everything that’s going to happen.
So, are you asking AI for information or reassurance?
I think this is something worth noticing.
If you find yourself repeatedly asking AI questions about the same worry, it might be worth pausing before asking the next one.
Ask yourself:
Am I looking for information here, or am I looking for reassurance?
And perhaps try changing:
“What if?”
to:
“What is?”
What’s actually happening right now?
What do I know?
What don’t I know?
And can I tolerate not knowing the rest?
For me, that’s where I decided to put the laptop down and stop asking AI about the bastard motorbike helmet!
It doesn’t mean the uncertainty disappeared.
It just meant I stopped feeding it.
And sometimes, I think, that’s the real challenge with anxiety.
Not getting rid of every “what if?”
But learning that we don’t have to answer every single one.
If you’d like to have a chat about how I might be able to help you with your anxiety, get in touch.